Consent Training practices, from the Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin.

Julie Wright
Nov 2
3 min read

The Wheel of Consent, developed by Dr. Betty Martin, is a simple yet profound framework that helps people understand the dynamics of giving and receiving in touch and communication. It reveals that consent isn’t just about permission—it’s about clarity: Who is this for?

The Wheel has four quadrants, created by crossing two axes:

Who it’s for (you or the other person)
Who is doing the action (you or the other person)

From this, we get four experiences:

As a practioner, my role is to Serve you, and let you touch me for your benefit (Allow).

Serving — I do what you want, for your benefit.

Example: You ask for a shoulder rub, and I say yes. My action is for you.

Allowing — I let you touch me, for your benefit.

Example: You place your hand on my shoulder because it feels good to you, and I consent.

In a cuddle session, the cuddle session is for YOU, however, in a reciprocal relationship, these quadrants would also apply.

Accepting — You do what I want, for my benefit.

Example: I ask you to stroke my hair, and you agree. You act for me.

Taking — I touch you, for my benefit.

Example: I place my head on your shoulder because it feels nourishing to me, and you consent.

Each quadrant is valid and beautiful when it’s conscious and agreed upon. The Wheel teaches that when we know which quadrant we’re in, we can connect with honesty, choice, and mutual respect—transforming touch, communication, and relationships into spaces of trust and freedom.

🌿 Consent Practice Menu

A playful, embodied way to explore boundaries, communication, and desire.

🌸 Listening & Speaking

Listening Turns

Take turns being heard. One person shares for 5–10 minutes while the listener sets limits on what they’d like to hear. The speaker says how they’d like to be listened to and in what position.

Yes/No Conversation

Have a full conversation using only “yes” and “no.” Notice tone, emotion, and how it feels to express or receive each.

May I / Will You

Take turns making requests. Start by only saying no, then only yes, then giving genuine answers. No one is bound to any requests — it’s just exploration.

Wanting Game

Share desires without expectation. Each person names what they want; the listener simply responds, “I want that for you too.”

NTVC – Noticing, Trusting, Valuing, Communicating

Notice what you want. Trust that it matters. Value your desire or boundary. Communicate it when it feels safe to do so.

🌊 Sensation & Awareness

Feeling Yes / No / Maybe in the Body

Walk around the room and tune in: how does a yes feel? A no? A maybe? Learn your body’s language.

Noticing Yourself

Pause and feel your sensations — warmth, pleasure, tension, curiosity. Let your body guide you.

Waking Up the Hands

Choose an object and explore it with your hands. Feel textures, edges, temperatures. Allow comfort, curiosity, or delight.

Feeling Up the Room

Gently feel the energy or textures of the room. Notice what brings you pleasure or curiosity in the space around you.

🤲 Boundaries & Touch

3 Ways to Say No

Move about the room. When someone touches you, try three ways of saying no:

Say “no.”
Gently lift their hand away.
Wiggle out and move away.

Domain, Boundary, Limit

Explore where your boundaries live. Your “domain” is everything that’s yours. Set limits well before your edge to stay comfortable and resourced.

Come / Go

Stand facing a partner. Move closer or farther away based on their cues. Notice what feels right at different distances.

Hello / Goodbye

Open your eyes and say “hello.” Close them and say “goodbye.” Play with connection and separation, eye contact and space.

🔆 Giving & Receiving

May I… (Take / Allow)

Practice asking for what you’d like to take or allow. Stay curious about the sensations of asking and receiving permission.

Will You… (Serve / Accept)

Practice offering and receiving. Ask, “Will you…?” and notice the shift between giving and serving.

Radical Receiving

The giver says, “I am here to serve you.”
The receiver asks for what they want; the giver does it for ~10 seconds, then pauses.
The giver names their limits if something doesn’t feel right.
Pause 20–30 seconds between requests. Experiment with different ways of asking.

3-Minute Game

Explore the four quadrants of the Wheel of Consent using hands only. Each person takes turns giving and receiving for three minutes per role.

Mirroring (Movement or Dance)

Take turns leading and following. Mirror your partner’s movement — slow, gentle, curious.

🪷 Reflection & Integration

This or That?

Practice choosing between two options — “This or that?” Notice how choice feels in your body.

Check-In & Share

After each activity, reflect:

What did I notice?
Where did I feel ease or tension?
What do I want to remember about this?